Candy Crimes

It's what we do.

This past summer, I took my two daughters to a movie theater to watch The Bad Guys 2. Before we set out, I grabbed some drinks from home and then we stopped off at Walgreens to buy some candy (to sneak into the theater).

We parked in the theater lot and then stepped out of the car to begin the stashing process. Sylvia (my 9-year-old) knew the drill. She had worn her sweatshirt and was stuffing a box of Mike & Ikes into one pocket and a box of Sour Patch Kids into the other pocket (without me having to say anything). I concealed a box of Raisinets in my sweatshirt pocket and then put one of the plastic bottle drinks down my pants. Brrr!

Natalie (my 5-year-old) had gone to the movies with us before, but now she seemed more aware of what was going on. “Why do we have to hide our snacks?” she asked.

I quickly tried to explain that you are supposed to buy them at the theater, but they are really expensive, so this is what we do. As I was shoving another drink down my pants, she asked me something that stopped me in my tracks…

It made me laugh, but it also made me think more about what we were doing. Should I be teaching my kids to do this?

Technically it is wrong, but it’s what I’ve known my entire life. It’s a family tradition that my parents passed on to me. Growing up, I was informed that the theater food was expensive and I just assumed that buying candy at the theater was reserved for fancy, wealthy people.

One day in my early teen years, me and a group of friends went to the “cheap theater” (that’s what we called the movie theater that showed films after their initial release for a discounted price). No discounts on the candy though.

The theater was connected to an indoor shopping center, so it was easy to buy your movie snacks at the attached grocery store and then sneak them in. I guess I was looking for a challenge on that particular day, because I bought one of those long bags of popcorn at the grocery store.

I inserted the bag down one of my pant legs and then started gingerly walking through the shopping center and into the theater lobby.

I thought I was going to pull it off, but then the bag ripped.

I had to clean up my mess and throw away my popcorn, but the staff didn’t do anything else to me. I guess they thought my self-humiliation was punishment enough.

Even though we were sneaking candy/drinks into the theater, I bought a large popcorn for us to all share (see, I’m not a complete cheapskate). Buying popcorn without buying any drinks can be awkward. I felt like the cashier was trying to shake me down.

The ticket collector was our last line of defense to get by. I tried to act casual while attempting to ignore how cold the drinks stuffed against my crotch were. I took a quick glance back and Sylvia still had her candy well hidden.

I’ve never seen anybody get busted for sneaking candy into the theater, but I always get a few butterflies when I’m trying to get through that last checkpoint. I’m guessing that as long as you aren’t ridiculous and trying to sneak a full pizza or a 7-course meal in, the workers probably don’t care. That doesn’t stop me from envisioning something going terribly wrong.

We made it past the ticket collector and to our seats. When the lights went down, I dispersed our budget treats. I took a deep breath… in and out. Sweet relief. Another candy smuggle operation had been successfully completed!

Until next time,
Patrick